Be Myself

myself, Uncategorized

And if I lose myself for the sake of finding myself and then I find myself without You? Would I still be myself? What is me without you but a mere stranger walking on the other side of the street?

But then what is me with you but not with myself?

I guess the question lies in the possibility that I was predestined for you, which would mean that with you I am myself. But am I really myself or am I yours?

The other option would be for me to be myself and that would mean that I chose to be myself with you. But that makes me wonder, what if I had chosen for myself to be not with You?

See I am with you and I am asking these questions. If I had chosen myself without You, would I still have been asking these questions? Or maybe I would have been too busy living as myself to find time for these questions.

But what if I am only living because I am with you and I am so blessed that I am able to even ask?

I wonder if some of my heroes ever asked these questions. I wonder if I laughed while Robin Williams asked for himself, or if maybe I was too busy dancing while Avicii was pondering.

I wonder if I’ll ever stop writing these words. I wonder if I’m even writing these words. I wonder – if I do stop writing these words – will you wonder if I got my answers?


Mend a broken love.

Love, Relationships

How do you mend a broken axle? We’ve been stuck here on the side of the road trying to pump some life back into our love, But it all seems so futile when you’ve got so many holes that I cannot see and you remain silent – not even a tear when I touch you here or there – it’s like you feel no pain, but I need to know if I should try again.

How do you mend a broken axle? We thought this love would be a walk in the park, but it’s been three years now and we’ve been dogs barking at the wrong trees. You’ve been sitting in your comfort zone throwing tantrums, but now that the gates are open you’re afraid to come out to fight for your love.

And me, I’ve been here thinking and sinking in my messy room but somehow I manage to keep my head above the clutter long enough to see your mistakes, still while drowning in mine – I’m failing to see how fast I’m falling – I’d be lucky if I could make it out crawling.

How do you mend a broken axle? In the car boot, next to the spare tyre, that’s where I left the first aid kit. Maybe if we can patch things up quickly we can still make it in time to see the sunrise on the east coast. We had such high hopes when we decided to run away and escape the concrete jungle…but we ran straight into the wilderness of this thing called Love.

And now you don’t have your mother or your girlfriends to call every time I call a fight out of something small, and make you feel small – everybody could see it back then, but now everybody is no longer a valid excuse – can we still say the world is against us while we’re alone in the wilderness? We only got here in the summer, I hope we make it until the fall.

So how do you mend a broken axle? I’m tired of numbing the pain because it always comes back. I’m so over going around the same circles. Let’s grab this thing by the horns and deal with it together, no more games and throwing blames.

Ahead of my time.

life, time, winning

When I was just a little rascal, I heard somebody say Time waits for no man. Some time later I remember hearing somebody else say You Snooze – you Lose.

Then the days went by, followed by months and probably some years and somewhere in between, I remember playing with my friends when someone shouted Last one there is a rotten egg… I don’t remember who ended up being the rotten one, but those games were fun, competition was fun and winning was life.

So I went on to grow up in phases, taking part in the mainstream competitions along the way. Primary school games and High school sports, I won a few along the way as a Jack of all trades but master of none. All these were fun, but the sensation was too short and I lost the drive along the way. I was too unique to commit to only one of these games, so I simply stopped and changed my focus.

Then I remembered those phrases from my youth, it seemed like one man held a certain trophy and it could not be taken from him. Time – yes that’s his name, he was always in control and got praise from everybody who knew him. He was everybody’s favourite but nobody could compete. They cheered his name from the rural streets to the Mansions up the hill – Time is money – even the biggest corporates would admit.

They say, If you keep up, you never have to catch up. I’m sorry but I’ve never heard anything more foolish than trying to chase time. So I decided that I had to be ahead of him and it’s not that difficult. You need to know a few basic rules of time; I’ll leave here just two – Time is a measuring scale & Time is subjective.

I could go on forever about how I did it, but I want you to believe that I won the race and now I am ahead of my time. You’d think that this is a great thing to achieve, but it is actually quite frustrating. You see, we think we are racing Time, but we are actually racing people – our own peers most often.

When you are ahead of Time, it means that you have achieved what you did before your peers and before the time that the people before you set as the standard estimate for success – many people know this. But the problem with this achievement however, lies in the question: “What good is winning if you have nobody to celebrate with?”…or “What good is winning if nobody is there to see you win?”

So you do all the right things, but everybody else is still stuck on the left side of life – then your right things seem to them as weird and crazy. You become more at risk of depression, having to choose between enjoying your victory alone, or dumbing it down just a little in order to enjoy Da Tingz Dat Ur Frendz lyk.

But you have to realise that there’s no standing on the fence, you have to flip the switch and once you fall over you have to go all in, like SPLASH! into the deep end and there’s no coming back. You have to like their music and get intoxicated by the blinding lights and make the same mistakes that you knew you could avoid, but now you can’t divert, so you dive head-in with the crowd – get caught up in addiction and lose your self control – living your life shallow, a shadow of the man you could have been – the chance to stand out, you tossed it in the bin.

Now I realise why time will always win, he does not mind standing alone and being the standard of measurement. He does not mind being cursed at, or missing out on the fun. Time is winning and that secures his life, he beat the competition and became the game and now we play by his rules – so for that I give respect where it’s due, but I keep my eyes open and see if I can learn a thing or two, I’m waiting for his secrets because they said, Time will tell.

Look what I can do

Time waits for no man if

You snooze – You Lose because

Last one there is a rotten egg and

Time, Time is Money so

If you keep up

You never have to catch up because

Time is a measuring scale and

Time is subjective so remember

My Peers

Time will always win and

Time will tell.

I Love Cheap Thrills!

money, peace, poetry, self acceptance

I’m spoilt for choice really on the type of person I can choose to be in this life. You saw that film about that bloke who had multiple personalities, well I’ve got multiple casualties that have left me with a choice: revenge like a savage or avenge and salvage an entire generation.

I love cheap thrills but such ain’t really cheap because they come from expensive hearts – no let me rephrase that – they come from priceless hearts that aren’t afraid to skip a beat or two and donate love for the sake of our humanity, now that’s humility. In today’s world it’s become a calamity to give up one’s self for the sake of the community.

Quick recap: snap- crackle and POP, that’s memories from my childhood I’m wondering where I went wrong from that innocent youth, I’m going into beast mode…

Sugar, Spice and everything nice, I’m rolling dice in street corners now because I’ve got to get that ice. Blood diamonds light up my brand new watch and I spray imported cologne just to dream of a trip to Germany with all the mindless pretty girls that made the mistake of looking at my glitters and thinking I’d make them rich.

I’d feel bad for them, but they’re better off than all the mindful girls who made the mistake of looking into my sparkling eyes and getting lost in my lies when I promised that I would care beyond this light filled night when really I would never dare to reveal even a peace of my heart just to start, because once I get to that part where I’ve got what I wanted I begin to amaze you by turning my back and running off into the wilderness with no love in my chest, but with your heart in a chest, along with all the other goodies and souvenirs that I keep as trophies – for this one I conquered like this, and that one like that, and these two I stole from here and I threw them there.

I treat these memories as a reminder that this life ain’t fair – if I couldn’t have peace then neither should my enemies. And everybody who got tangled in between has to understand that it was a necessary evil, a work hazard, and if you really where smart enough then you should have seen the warning signs and if you didn’t then you simply weren’t good enough and that’s why you should have encouraged me when I told you that I love cheap thrills, but instead you called me a bore and laughed it all off in my face, testing my patience and misusing my kindness, well tell me now…am I interesting enough? Has my head proven itself worthy of your expensive standards, or do I need to go on and come up with a nice ending for the sake of Art? Well what about my heart, do you think it goes unbruised every time I have to put it through this raging?


art, poetry, Uncategorized, words

Contentment…I treat this word with contempt. Trying to pay attention to only the positive content but something always wants to tempt.

Resentment is an overwhelming feeling I have to admit. Trying to stay optimistic under the pressure to submit.

I have this head that feels like it’s not connected to a neck. It sounds weird to say but it is even more weird to live with it.

In this head I live most of my life while my body operates on auto. Sometimes my head wanders off into the distance, chasing the horizon and when it does this I don’t even notice until I find myself examining hieroglyphics in Cairo.

I stand in the shower looking over at your life – I see your kids, your street and the rat poison in your kitchen corners and the luck in between that’s keeping your toddler from eating the tainted cheese.

I ask my head, why are you so messed up? What did I do to make you like this? How can I ever become a better person when you always say that isn’t enough? And why do you even bother to make me think this way if you won’t give me the answers?

My head never answers and I’m left with the blame. I’m trying to focus like all the other robots in my class but you want to make me feel special. You tell me there’s something better to do and distract me from reality…

O’ yes, I know there isn’t any better. I don’t know why you lie to me.

Discipline Discipline blah-blah-blah, if I don’t control you, I might go tah-tah-tah. Label me lazy for a daydream that never seems to end. This is how it always goes, I get a nice thought and begin to write about it and it starts off well until I get to this point and my head gets out of it and all I’m left with are fingers picking letters composing words, makes sense or not doesn’t really matter coz IDGAF, I’m a Millennial so you already know my problem…

I’m lazy and entitled is what they say. I’m crazy and delusional to think the world revolves around me. But you told me I could be anything from President to astronaut, you put no limits. But now I’m here to claim it and you resist, so I persist in my head to imagine – to dream of me on mars bearing Columbus’ scars! I heard that history repeats itself so I wanna be on the front line when she comes, not stuck in a cubical surrounded with pastings of motivational quotes from people who beat the system only to become the system and take turns on our lives, dopamine dopamine dopamine – I’m a junky, you’re my hit, I feel all fuzzy inside…Roses are red but I’m pansy inside.

Word ArT

art, words

Words are words, it’s nothing special, just a bunch of letters put together.

Words are Words, it’s nothing special, just a language to communicate.

Words are Words, it could be special, but only if I pick them right.

Words are Words, it’s nothing complex, just pick a pen and write.

“Words are Art” is what some say, I’ll understand it one day.

I use words to laugh and cry – you should try… it’s as easy as pie.

I tried once to compose a poem, full of idioms and fancy synonyms…but words are are so much like girls, they often run and ruin the fun.

But words are also powerful, they are the world. They come in many shapes and sizes but can only go as deep as you can hear.

Oh but the pain you probably couldn’t bear, because the best words are often cries from deep cut wounds escaping from cells of despair.

Oh friend if only you could care to dismantle the perfect paragraphs that coat broken ribs and tarnished promises and lost tears in a heartbeat – it’s like standing bare feet on sheets of glass while smiling and keeping your class, sweeping away the real pain with a fake simile like a honey bee protecting your honey made from hours of misery and words can be fun too like look how I have stopped using punctuation but as long as I choose the right words I can keep going and I can even change the topic and forget about paragraphs as I’ve already done and Ooops there is an apostrophe ruining my flow of words but I have managed to salvage my sentence and now I hope the grammer police do not sentence me for misspelling grammar but you probably did not notice because maybe you are not as smart as you think you are and I probably know that only because I am not as smart as I think I am but I am this and this is me and I do this kind of thing and I still have the nerve to call myself a writer hoping that you will remember me as a word painter making cheap art with these words that are not so special because they are just a bunch of letters put together.

Time will tell.

philosophy, time

“Everything that happens in the darkness shall come to light”. Stay close because time will tell – and sadly, when she speaks, too often we don’t listen.

Watch the body language. Relax everything else and just watch…watch and listen for she speaks an awesome revelationary tale. I cannot stress it enough the importance of the truth, it sticks to you like a stink of death.

The price of sin is death…I wish you’d listen before time runs out, she tries to warn you and even as she leaves she will continue to speak…only this time she will tell it all to the master – from the time you lied to the wild parties you held in his house. Let me say it in your language then, Time will snitch.

Think back to the old days and try to remember your innocence…take care of the children because the Kingdom belongs to them. Your ancestors died for this knowledge when they ate of that tree, and now they drag you down along with them. You asked and you shall receive – so worry not as the birds do…or should I say “don’t”? Either way, time will tell.

There is a season for planting and a season for harvest, how does the farmer know this? Time tells. A good seed and a bad seed go into the same ground, how do you know which is true? Wait for the fruits – Learn her voice and you shall prosper.

Get your mind right and turn on your heart’s sight, there will be choices to make so make sure you hear it right…it might be tonight and that is alright but to dwell on this will wear your might and erode your delight so take it easy and enjoy the moon light.

Truth is Light.

light, truth

I believe the truth is the light and it shines in all of us. We all have the light and the truth within us. The truth is around us and the evidence macroscopic in the dust.

It’s evident that I have been there if you find my footprints. If you cannot see my steps try to smell my aura. It’s my lack of knowledge that makes it such a horror.

I believe the truth is around us hidden in the mysteries of God the creator. The reason he made me and the progress I make from all suffered transgressions.

The truth is in the science, the study of the laws. The truth is somewhere there in the theories of philosophy. The truth exists in the imagination and fantasy of possibilities. The truth is there in every religion – just trying to thank the one who knows it all.

The truth is revealed to each person at the right time. Sometimes we miss the signs and fall between the lines. The truth is revealed in every reflection bouncing back through the mirrors, we just have to clear the fog to remove the clog.

Everybody has seen some Truth, the easy way or the hard way. Some wrote a map to lead the way and it was followed by those who experienced it similar. It caused division but still the vision exists, because I believe that God the creator holds each of us dearly while trying to make us see clearly that everybody’s eye is teary and it’s our job to make it cheery.

South africa vs Democracy.

apartheid, democracy, south africa, youth day

The case of South Africa vs Democracy.

This I know will turn into a confusing rumble of words for many readers – If anyone would even care to read past this upcoming full-stop. I blame that on our diluted education system.

So we have a country that has been devastated by 24 years of poor governance, one where public officers turned away from their constitutional obligation to serve and protect the country under the principles of transparency, accountability and accessibility.

Before that we had a system of governance based on segregation and oppression. Correct me if I am wrong on this summarised view, that system had dire effects on our current generation through, what is in my view a version of the principle of the “domino-effect”.

Okay so now we have a society that can agree that something is wrong with our government but they are split – miles apart on the best way, or in fact any way to find a solution to this matter. The route to such a solution becomes even less tangible when you look at the opposition to the current ruling party in our multi-party electoral democracy system. The official opposition, after many years of fighting against the President and his shenanigans leading to the trouble of “state capture”, have now errupted into an intra-party racial war or what-not…whatever it is…there is an unattractive division there.

While the next in line Prodigal son and his party offer what can simply be said to be the other side of the same coin as our ruling party. I had hoped that I wouldn’t spend too much time on this “background” part but I did, but it is important to know this because it has led to our current state, in which we will never find peace because you have a society that is split between loyalties and ideologies binding them to one or the other of these entities.

The Mind/Body problem.

Okay now the fun begins. What is the relationship between the mind and the Body (or between physical and mental phenomena)? “The UK band the Sugababes formed in 1998. One by one, the original members left and were replaced so that by 2009 none of the original line-up remained. In 2011, the original trio formed a new band, but the Sugababes still existed.”

This is the question of Identity. Who are we as South Africans? What kind of government to we like and which kind is too extreme for us? Apartheid came and left but it’s people and the mindsets they taught their children will live on far beyond their individual deaths. The apartheid victims will die too but their children saw the suffering and vengeance will remain somewhere within, whatever happens in this country will have to satisfy either all or none.

As you can see I can go on but you probably could not even keep up, simply jumping to this conclusion as you and I often if not always do every time we speak of politics and ideologies. So if you ask me if we will ever succeed under democracy in South Africa… I must say no. Because I have seen how our constitution works. It tries so satisfy everybody at his level in the smaller things like marriage and medium of instruction. And then it tries to bring us together on voting day expecting us to agree on common ground – never gonna happen.

This is my contribution on June 16 2018 as we South Africans celebrate ” Youth Day”. Remembering our past, with hope for our future.