The technology in the Online/Blogging World.

I never actually thought that it would come to this. Well I always knew it was there, but I just always thought that I would somehow find enough cracks to avoid having to go through the struggle.

What is the struggle you ask? Technology. you know, computers and websites and all these other things that other people my age just simply push a few buttons and create in a flash.

When I started at University in my first year as a Law student, one of our modules was based on preparing students for the research part of the degree. We were set up into smaller groups and had sessions in a computer lab where we were walked through a few sites that would be useful to us throughout our time not only as students, but allegedly also when we would eventually become practitioners.

I breathed a sigh of relief. I made sure to pay attention and crammed three easy-to-use sites and I thought I would be sorted for the rest of my life. It’s the end of my third year now and I can say that those sites were more than enough. pheeew!

But then last year I started blogging. I created this site easily enough with the help of the structures that were already available on WordPress and I haven’t been bothered with the technical side of things ever since.

But now my Blog on the free domain has grown just as much as I had hoped it would have in a year, and so, my time on the free domain is coming to a grateful end as I am now planning on an upgrade to subscribe to the Premium account as my route to monetize my blog.

And as a result, I get to say sadly, “Here I am again”.  I have to learn new tricks on how to create the perfect site for myself and my readers. I have to learn how to add those buttons that when you click them, you automatically land on my Instagram page, or get a direct link to a relevant blog post, and eventually also add that button that will offer you, my dear readers, the opportunity to pay for any of the awesome services or products that I will create and make available for you in due course.

I’m optimistic. But right now I cannot help but give myself a great slap on the forehead for this stupid glitch in my skill set. As I laugh at myself to hide the tears inside, I’m gonna have to sit myself down for a minute or two just to ask, “WHY?” why did you watch the world growing into the online world while you were stuck being Old-school and Original? that’s so uncool and look at your restrictions now.

But it’s Okay, I’m so eager to make this blogging thing work, I’m going to dedicate – I don’t know how many hours, but all of my powers to break into this industry, brace yourselves, I’ll be bringing more of what I’ve been doing, bringing little more Psychology, Philosophy, Life Revelations, Coming of Age, and also letting you know how my new journey in Online Marketing and Marketing strategies is going and so on and so on…Peace and much Love.

Love is not Enough

Love is stronger than most, when I’m lost, getting back to you is the force behind my motive. Love reminds me that I’ve got to get in motion, to get back to you in order to overcome the constant, almost torturing thoughts of you that beautifully and frighteningly torment me from the inside-out.

And it’s this beautiful fear that makes me say that love is not enough. You know how my thoughts love to wander, you’ve heard how my tongue sometimes stutters, and you’ve seen how my eyes uncontrollably linger in places that they probably shouldn’t. And what about my fingers, my hands just want to hold on to anything that presents itself as an opportunity…no, love is not enough.

Everything is an art. Science is an art, and art is a science. Nothing is just, and that’s because everything needs understanding. And how can you understand something? Well, you have to put the pieces together if you want that.

And that’s why love is not enough. Love is just another piece in the puzzle. Love is probably the biggest and most important, and don’t forget, rarest piece in the puzzle. Love is not enough because one day I’m not going to be around to hold your hand and make you feel safe in my arms. My presence won’t be around in every moment to keep the predators away. I’m not always going to be near to keep your emotions intact. And sadly, I’m not always going to be there to play along with your fantasies and make you believe that you and I can really take on this big old world together. no.

And when I’m gone, I am going to need to know that I am not forsaken. You know I always need to know that I’m not being taken for granted. I’m going to need to trust that your loyalty was not simply being paid for by the convenience of my availability. And you will also need that trust. That when I’m gone, no matter the miles ahead, nor the time in between will prove too tempting when I begin to run empty on the memories of your comforting smile and all the beautiful things you do unintentionally, effortlessly and unknowing that those are the things that keep me running back to you before nightfall each day.

Yes, the things that you do unintentionally. I’m talking about all the little sacrifices that go a long way at filling the gaps in one another that make us feel so much stronger when we are together. The way you always choose the kind route when I’m so fixed on being right, and whatever it is that I do that carries you through the tears of a stressful day. I’m telling you, love is not enough.

Patience in my times of worry, humility over your pride, these are the things we need to carry in every stride. Jealousy is cute when it shows that you care, but you always show gratitude for my littlest efforts. I swear these things give me comfort. Confront me when I have wronged you even just a little, because communication once saved a nation I tell you. Silly jokes and tickles to remind us of our youth, let’s just enjoy all of these and friendship because love is not enough.

being Human BEING

It’s another beautiful morning and I wake up once again with the same addictions that I went to bed trying to get rid of. I can’t see the end, no. There’s no light in this tunnel, but hey, it’s another day and no matter what has been carried over from the last, I’ve still got life, still got you and your love, what more can one ask for.

I can never say I’m losing my mind because I’ve never really had control. I guess I just spend too much time worrying about my impact. forgetting that I am only one in a billion, neglecting the present, the gift that is today, packaged sincerely for me to be the best human being that I am.

yes. Human being. not Human becoming, nor human been. I can never say I’m losing myself because you will always be what you are being. If I’m lost, then being lost is who I am and I’ll just have to deal with that. You know, they say actions speak much louder than words. The lost can talk about being found, but the found sleep at home every night. That’s being Human being.

I always wonder about life and the fabrics of existence. I don’t want to speak profanely about the structures of the world because they are real and one who lives beyond their boundaries will fall into our rejected bin of outcasts. But I can’t seem to stop thinking about my default position in this life. If I let go of everything and allow myself to free-fall from this place where I’m trying to create something, down to the place that is made for me. The default position, the place where I don’t have to do anything but simply be.

But I don’t know how to act in a drought. So what if I let go and find myself living without? I guess that’s why it’s called default. If I go out of my way to find my default, would it really be my default? Or will it be a position that I chose to find?

Or is it just fear talking? fear taking over my mental now that I find myself in a position to create the life that I’ve been prepared and preparing for all this time? An honest opinion once told me that I worry too much, fearful of failure in this life which I once thought I had at my feet. But now I’ve got my head in the clouds, can’t feel my feet on the ground, so how do I know if I’m still on the path?

I’m crying out to the oppressor, “hey, you missed one. this one didn’t turn into a robot. It’s not content with the cubical, it’s not a political radical, it’s starting to sound a little cynical…” oh snap! I think I should stop there before they start seeing that I’m dysfunctional.

Mr President, it’s been done. Africa has been cleaned up. We managed to get the women thinking and they did the dirty work for us. We educated the African woman our way, empowered her with eyes to see the savagery that is hidden in the lies of the male of her species. It took us many o’ years, but eventually she broke free from his control, reproduction levels decreased, charity for the poor seized to exist, so they were easy to wipe out. It was easy still. The black male is good for nothing, driven only by passion he manged to imprison the woman through her emotions…but that was nothing a little education could not change. For many years the woman has been secretly crying for power, as soon as we gave her that in Africa, nullifying her hormonal need for the male was made easy by job satisfaction, and eventually erased through the granting of power over the savage. It’s only a matter of time until the last of them are gone from the face of the earth. We’ll speed up the process with a little more Hollywood and drug substance availability, we’ll use that very passion against him.

Chris, I saw what you wrote about the African woman. It’s simultaneously saddening and frightening to see that you think like that. Are you trying to say that the empowerment of the African woman will spell the end of the African male? I thought you were much smarter than this. This is the sort of backward thinking that has held our people enslaved by outdated custom and misleading ideologies. I’d advise you to reconsider your position on this matter before you completely discredit yourself as a rational thinking member of society and ultimately end your writing career before it has even begun. Think deeply about it my boy, you have a promising future ahead, don’t let this be the end of it.

I’m sorry Miss Jackson, I am for real. I can’t avoid the zeal that I have for the truth, I’m looking beyond face value, examining the principalities and the cracks in it. You see, growing up I was always told that I was bound for failure. But still I made it through the grades until now I’m almost touching a Law degree. I realise now that I was not meant to make it through the system that was constructed to stop people like me. people like me being the ones they love to label as having fallen through the cracks. Well I was in the cracks but instead of falling, I climbed. Unseen in the mist of the darkness that was foreseen for my future, I made it out. But now I’m looking at the world and it’s time for me to out into the light. It was only when I came out to finally see the sun, and at first glance it hurt me and I realised that I was disillusioned all along.

Why does honesty have to come at such a hefty expense? It’s as if they want us to continuously live in suspense, unknowing the conditions that we are fighting through. Globalisation and urbanisation is our reality in Africa. But look at how many of our men are turning out. An African man has to turn to homosexuality in order to be accepted as less of a threat in this world order. I’m watching the American movies, there is always that one awesome “gay black best friend”. Are they openly trying to advertise to us that we are more useful for society when we play a helping role instead of becoming leaders?

 

 

Know me.

You don’t know me baby. i ain’t perfect baby, you know I wanna be be perfect baby, but look how i slur my words baby.

Look how i’m forgetting You, getting lost in my thoughts thinking the world revolves around me… even forgetting my capitals baby. i’m surprised that i even remembered my full stops this one time.

You don’t know me baby. i want you to know me and speak only the truths about me but i can’t even be honest baby. i want us baby, i want oneness with you and my spirit but i can’t seem to bear the onus baby.

i’m singing the chorus baby, to a song that reflects on my life, I’m twenty one with the future supposedly within my grasp baby. But will i take it? Maybe. The world is cheering for us baby.

But you don’t know me baby. i’m aging into a man but i’m still clumsy like a baby. Caught in my own lie baby, i can’t hold on to anything let alone my beliefs, maybe that’s the reason i find no relief baby.

But i’m gonna try to stay positive baby. i hope this confusion will be brief and end before i throw me or my future off a cliff baby.

i’m waiting for Life to be gentle because like the centre of the world, i’m going mental baby. Look at my dental baby, i’m afraid that soon i won’t be able to handle beef, biting more than i can chew with these fleeting fillings in my emptiness, it’s only a matter of time before i get exposed for a bark with no bite baby.

But you don’t know me baby. Psycho man don’t know me either. Close ones neither. How long till i wither? Check the weather baby, as long as it still rains pain i’ll be staying inside baby.

Longing

Talk to me about the spirit. Enlighten me. I grow ever closer to the world and further away from God, so I need to be reminded of his Glory.

C.S Lewis made an anology of the weight of Glory. Imagine yourself enjoying a beautiful sunset on the horizon. You admire it’s beauty from afar. Creative minds are crazy because they always try to connect with nature…I need you to put on this mindset.

So there you are, falling in love with a beautiful, orange sunset in the sky. But this love affair feels so one-sided because as much as you stare at this beauty, it never notices you.

So you may ask yourself, why do I long so much for a connection with such beauty, yet my desire to be in it, to be with it and to fully experience it’s majesty, is never fulfilled?

Well maybe the most blunt answer is that the sunset has no life and therefore you can never have such a relationship with it. But if we take a moment to think about this concept called, “longing”, we can look at an everyday phenomenon such as hunger. When you feel hungry, it does not mean that your hunger will be satisfied. But this hunger can serve as an indication that an emptiness can be filled. In this case, some food would do the job.

That is why I am asking you to talk to me about the spirit. Benny Hinn testified in his book, Good morning Holy Spirit, about a particular kind of joy and satisfaction, upon receiving the spirit of God, that came to him from the inside-out.

We humans think so great of ourselves. We think that monetary success and the ability to buy things to satisfy our desires is the key to achieving enjoyment and contentment.

I disagree. The book of Genesis tells us that God made the body of man from the clay if the Earth. He then went on to breathe his spirit into the flesh and that gave man life. We are sensory people here on Earth. We touch, we see, we hear, we take joy into our bodies from the outside-in. How sad.

What about that particular part of us which gives us life? What about the spirit? As long as we remain content with satisfying our urges and senses, I do not believe we are actually living life, but merely sensing. Because life came through the spirit, I think it should be safe to say that the only time a person can say, “I am living”, and not merely alive, is when we begin to find that satisfaction which comes from the inside-out, from the fulfillment of those desires which are pleasurable to the spirit, not the flesh.

The book of Hebrews tells us that everything that is seen comes from the unseen. God and Heaven and the spiritual world is unseen. The spirit is a foreigner on the Earth. That is why the spirit always longs for the heavenly things. That is why a deprived spirit will look to the sunset, which serves as a symbol of heavenly beauty. The spirit longs to know the heavenly, in the hopes that it may one day be reunited with the Glory of its true home.

Then the Christian Bible quotes that man Jesus admitting in Matthew 7:23 “away from me, I never knew you” is what he will say to a spirit which never fulfilled that aspect of relationship with the one who first breathed it into the body of man.

Then, at that moment, the beauty of that sunset which you so longed to experience, to harness, to kiss, to get that notice, the bliss…that will fade away. And woe to me…if that be my fate, may I take up my place in eternal decay.

Gold City Boyz

Gold city boy, so you know my potential is golden. Africa’s capital city, Joburg, our business needs capital transactions.

My talent and movement you cannot apprehend. I’m only appreciated by the apprentences on my right hand. I don’t even bother with many because they die and rest in pretence…it’s always been their common sense.

I’m trying to make moves in my confidence, while keeping check of my arrogance to keep my conscience in balance.

Trying to keep my beliefs away from thoughts that make me waiver. So I made a wager, going all in or nothing never leaves me with nothing. Even when I lose I gain pain from that experience until the next time I do it again.

I’ve still got dreams of a young me in a Volkswagen Citi, cruising through the city to where my home boys been smoking like chimneys.

Then you ask me, why you gotta go back to your old ways, conform to your glory days only to regret it tomorrow as always?

I don’t know. There’s just something about the boys. They understand that part of me that loves the noise. And anyways, I only do it twice a month, only show up when least expected and put a sock in the mouth of haters who disrespected.

I’m not accustomed to perfection. It always gives a fake reflection. That’s why I always leave room for mistakes in every selection.

But is that wrong of me? I’m certainly waiting to grow out of It, but how long will that be? I’m waiting to see, I like an underdog story that ends in victory.

Character Flaw

It came to a point when I realised that nobody was actually listening. Five years later at gatherings or some random reunion, I became accustomed to the melodies on the beat of your chuckles saying, “When he talked, we just nodded and he’d go on, didn’t even realise that we wasn’t really listening” …hahaHaaA!

If I bore you so much, you could have just told me. I could have become a writer much sooner. But I’m here now, got an audience and they find no offence in my rumbling.

Instead they say, “So young you are, yet so wise beyond your years” …thank You, but really what else is there for me to do?

There’s no mandatory military service to put me in, no sustainable work on offer…I’m lucky to have this privilege of tertiary education, just trying to avoid getting stuck with minimum wage in a spicy downtown butchery.

Ironic because I wound up simply in a different skin-type of butchery. The discounted special of the day is your sense of self-worth and long-term health. The only thing I’ve got going for me is my appeal, that’s why I’ll do whatever it takes to appear grounded and clear of any upheaval. I’m so afraid of getting chopped, swept away and getting cropped out of pictures, and missing out on the newest cocktail mixtures…because this is the stuff that really matters really – much more than career fixtures and future whatnot…

I’m not even wise actually. It hurt me a little when I realised that. I believe wisdom to be the ability to discern and make decisions that will produce positive by-product. As for me, I am able to see the writing on the wall, yet consciously fail to apply the element of conduct. “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to KFC“.

That’s a proper kick in the gut kind of character flaw ain’t it? Where’s Shakespeare when you need him? Maybe he would have been able to make all of these at least worthy of being a successful life failure story when I’m dead. But there is no Shakespeare, and my flaws still exists, so I’ll just have to be that guy who goes through the entirety of life in mid-life crisis from a lack of Will Power.

Started so sweet, but now sour. You are a sower and that is what you’ll reap. Life is no cheap thrill I can assure you – even peace will pressure you. Generations will measure you on how many graduations ushered You. And I’m not talking about degrees on paper, no, life has set us all up for a class or two…and her curriculum tests you before giving the lesson.

Imagine that. Imagine loving….oh no…that’s surely a story for another day. A story for a time when I will have some real answers maybe…