Reason

inspiration, life choices, reason, south africa

“Life is a Journey to be experienced, not a Problem to be solved”… Sounds easy and quite delightful, but a good Journeyman should remember that it helps to have a destination. Still if you don’t – I’m pretty sure nobody wants to end in a deadend with nothing to show for the Journey.

Popular Pop-Star Katy Perry admitted it once in a song, “I stood for nothing so I fell for everything”. In this Journey called Life there’s sometimes roads that go high and low, you can also expect wet and slippery terrains when it rains – what I’m trying to say is just Prepare to go slow in the snow… expect it all because which ever route you choose, you are the one who will clean the mud from under the boots.

Everybody has a dream. A dream to travel around the world, a dream to travel out of the world and according to cartoons, some even have the dream to destroy the world.

It doesn’t matter what the dream is, if you really want to make it happen then you are going to need to take control of your Journey. Too many of us allow life and circumstance to dictate where we end up…and all we have to show for it are reasons pronounced mostly in a drunken state at family gatherings about why our dreams were never born – it’s mostly because living young, wild and free wasn’t so free no more once that diaper isle became your reality.

It’s not that surprising though. In this capitalistic world-wide jungle run by politics… where politicians play role model and empty promises are job descriptions- I actually found (in my imagination) that the word “reason” no longer exists on this earth. Instead, an identity thief has been running around in reason’s body tormenting hopes and simply holding us back from our potential…his true name is Excuses.

Excuses are a result of a lack of faith and hard work. A life lived without direction is bound to spiral out of control. It’s bound to be a life of explanations and Excuses.

But still in my pursuit to give my life some direction – I spend countless hours thinking up ways to better my situation. Thinking to myself “Maybe I should find a magazine to publish my writing” (Am I even good enough?)…But that period in faith doesn’t last forever and if delayed, it quickly turns into fear and that is where the battle for Dreams gets lost.

So then I find myself in a dilemma. Wisdom or Foolishness? Whether or not I choose a life of direction, I still find myself in a constant tangle. I’m wondering if I should take it easy, put on my sandals and avoid getting tied up in some sweaty running shoes…

Maybe that’s where I went wrong, I’m trying too hard to understand my choices, when maybe I should just believe in my decisions and not fear failure so much.

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Attention

Uncategorized

What is it about Attention that’s got us all so tangled up? Altering the way we walk and changing our talk, it’s all in the hope that somebody is watching. Those Fifiteen minutes of fame that you have been promised – They mean more to you than you think…or at least are willing to admit.

Broaden your mind and you too will see that attention is just a cheap word for Existence. I mean we all exist, that is how you are able to sit there and scroll through this Blog right now. But what good is existing if you cannot feel it?

I sit in a university library at 10pm, it’s packed and the noise levels are nothing like what I grew to expect from the movies. I caugh once, and I caugh again and nobody seems to notice. Everybody seems to be minding their own business. But I’m not buying it.

I look up and the girl to my right is having a young chat with some tall lad who’s stopped by her desk on his way out…I don’t think this conversation is very interesting to be honest – I can see it in his face, he’s not trying that hard. Yet this girl just bursts into a short-dry laughter. Approximately Five more words crawl out of the dude’s mouth and another cheap gag from the girl. This process continues for the next four seconds until the boy finally makes his way for the exit.

I was a bit annoyed by that whole thing. I just found it rather unnecessary, she was a bit too extra in my two cents. Anyways, The night went on and that event was halfway out of my memory when I saw that everybody else had a chat-mate nearby and that girl from the previous paragraph had been alone ever since. And that’s when it hit me that those two minutes with that guy may have been this girl’s only chance to cry out to the world “Hey everybody, I am here, I exist, see? He sees me!”

Think about it, Those hours you spend at the Gym, that outfit and your awesome stories and story telling abilities and even those awesome drawings you do, what’s the point of it all if you can’t blog about it for somebody to know about and credit you?

Think about it. Existing. Living the perfect life – what’s the point of it all if nobody will know? Living a sad life – what’s the point of it all if nobody’s going to pity you

Yes think about it…why pay attention to everybody else, show them love just as you wish it be done to you?

Because everybody deserves his fifteen minutes, but you deserve more fifteen minutes then the rest. You deserve to exist.

2018: Green Light

Friendship, inspiration, south africa, Uncategorized

“There is no such thing as Failure – Only Lessons”.

The hairs on my head cannot count the times I have tried to remind myself of this concept, it’s almost become the Jam to my Peanut-Butter.

For the first time in this life I have come out short. From a year where I did very little in the efforts of planting my seeds – The fruits I harvest are bitter. I guess that’s what I deserve because way too often I found myself content with my tasteless produce, satisfied with Average scores that put me just over the line.

It’s not that Law is a particularly difficult degree for me. I just cannot stand to sit – sit for hours on hours studying (such a bore)! Well of course it’s a bore, this is all rather new to me. I breezed through High School without openning many books, and hurdled all other obstacles since then and to this point I have never seen a book from beginning to end without missing most of the middles. I really never needed to invest that much time.

Poor time management, a lack of faith in my work and 3 months later I’m here in 2018 aiming for Change. What have I changed? Well – I’ve moved out of my previous residence and I’m trying to outgrow my Comfort-Zone. What’s new?– Coffee to keep me awake in class (lol), More reading to keep me up-to-date with my lectures – Library lady get ready!! This year I’ll throw a party at the funeral…the day I bury Procrastination.

I pray for more Wisdom oh Lord. Yesteryear I achieved so much. The Gracious Salvation, and Baptism, as I left behind the powers of Sin. The Holy Bible has become my favourite written Word. Lord you’ve even made me a leader amongst your people…all this and it’s just a pity that my mother is forced to look at the negatives because all this seems to have come at the expense of my studies. Mama’s Working her wallet for my studies, I’m beginning to feel like a walking drill but I’m this low and it’s by time I find some diamonds because I know I cannot afford to be here too long…

But Faith remains the Substance of all things hoped for…This year I’m taking control of my life and remembering that a wise Father cannot Give his prized Possessions to an immature Son. So let me help myself to grow to learn how to manage my time, to prioritise and surely success will fill my eyes.

A Shoulder…

cry, Family, inspiration, Love, secrets, Short Story, Uncategorized

The older I get – The stronger I need to be – The weaker I am.

“It’s age, it’s fate, it’s growing up”, I tell myself everyday. I need to be an example for the young ones back home – stand tall, “Thats my older brother”, they need to be able to say.

I need to prepare for the harsh world out there, “That’s the new intern, an able Lawyer he’ll be”, They need to be able to say.

But all this is just a bit too much. It all happens so fast, I thought I was in the driving seat but that was a 2003 Toyota with my mom on the passenger seat so I kept it below 60/per hour…

Now I’m in the backseat of 500 Horse-powers and mom is nowhere in sight, I left her for my future. I’m being tossed from side to side because I can’t make a decision…I’ve lost control and I’m running out of fuel.

When I was younger you walked into my room and asked me what was wrong. There wasn’t much I could complain about so I rarely did. You laid such a good foundation so we only looked forward to moving up.

Don’t get me wrong I’m still looking forward. But I don’t have my own foundation yet I need to move out. So yes I’m sinking – or maybe I’m being blown by the wind, getting lost and seeing things I should never look at.

Okay so I set some standards for myself and I’m aiming high, I ask God to stay by me and I know he’s faithful. I’ll inherit this Kingdom with Jesus, but first I must endure the struggles.

And it’s his love that gets me wishing…wishing I had your shoulder to cry on because I lost myself, I’m crawling back and will be walking soon but I wish I could run back home and let you know that I’ve made some mistakes, learnt some lessons…

but I’m a big boy now – I guess I’ll just have to get Older – get Stronger and miss the Weaker me because, “I have overcome and succeeded” – I need to be able to say.

First Place

Love, marriage, Relationships, Short Story, Uncategorized

“Are you an Athlete? Because Darling you’ve been running up and down in my head all day long.”

This morning I stayed an extra minute in bed reminiscing about the winter, thinking about the nights we stayed warm by the fire that burned much like my young heart burns for yours. It was a time when all I needed was your smile to ignite endless thoughts about everything we could yet become.

At noon I got lost in wander, daydreaming about our future – we kept our promise to love each other forever to set an example for our children and our peers, an example that True love never dies. As pentioners we spend the sun on our porch by the sea-side until the moon comes around to lead us quietly into peaceful slumber.

In the evening…well here I am writing this post about you.

It’s so sad that there is no such thing as the “Girlfriend olympics” because I know you’d be a shoe in to win the Gold my love…they probably know that and maybe that’s why they don’t have them. But you’re in a league of your own – they would have to create a Platinum medal for you my sweetheart.

Ahhh but some might confuse Platinum for silver…

Which actually gets me thinking. Maybe that is why a man buys his Wife a Diamond Ring when they get married. Maybe it’s his way of letting her know that she has won the race to his heart.

If that’s the case then you my love deserve the brightest Diamond on this Earth. You haven’t just won the race to my heart – you saved my heart from the track to darkness.

I used to run the race of death and I was winning. You came and you taught me how to Love. Each day we spend in this Love is a learning experience on how to care for another person more than we do for ourselves. You challenge me to be a better person with every passing conversation and encourage me to actually trust less in my pride and more in loyalty and faithfulness. Today I am able to Blog about the Love I know and it’s all thanks to everything I’ve learnt from you…I write quite an inspired thesis online but it’s you who suffers when my trials turn to error…

With that being said, I should probably admit that you never actually had any competition to my heart… I’ll still get you your Diamond Medal one day though. But until then, you should probably get some rest from all this running – I hope you kept my heart somewhere safe.

*Dedicated*

I Love you But You’ll never know

fiction, Friendship, friendzone, Love, secrets

Three kids, a modest double storey house, a BMW SUV for me and for you, a decent mini bus to take the kids to soccer.

This picture plays like a movie in my head every night before I sleep. It is the story of our perfect little family – Yeah I’ve thought that far, that’s how much I love you. Day and after day, Monday to Friday from behind your seat in English class I imagine our love, our first kiss, your perky brown lips and your silky brown hair…You’re my indian Princess and I’m your African King.

We’re best friends you and I, I always say that but I lie to myself everyday. I want us to be lovers. We text everyday, I always try to sneak a flirt and you always play dumb. You ask me who owns my heart, almost as if you want me to confess your name. But I’m too scared. I’d rather have you as a friend than have you as nothing at all.

See this love is almost forbidden. You’re a beautiful Indian princess and I’m just an awkward black boy who’s lost his mind- or at least that’s what my friends say. But it’s true, in our community I can only imagine how much slander you’d get for being in love with a “blackie”. I know you’re a strong woman but I don’t think you’ll survive this one.

So I’ll continue to watch you, admire you from a distance with nothing but Coldplay to make me feel worse. But I’ll hold on until next year, I’ll be going to varsity and I’ll make sure to get as far away from you as possible…maybe I’ll be able to forget you – I hope I’ll be able to move on.

Then I’ll probably bump into you in the summer. A lot will have changed by then, you’ll probably show me a new engagement ring – maybe for once I might actually not lie when i say, “I’m happy for you”. But until then, I still Love you but You’ll never know.

Giving Love over Using Love.

giving, Love, Relationships, south africa, Uncategorized

“Love makes the world go round”, what a lovely quote with a powerful hint hidden within. Love was never made for any one person to own, instead, Love was intended to be shared freely amongst all mankind.

It’s sad to say that I can only imagine a world where my neighbour’s pain is my pain – my gain is my brother’s gain. A world where the love I received from my parents compels me to empathise with the orphans on the street corners. A world where my enemies burn with shame everytime they see my smile igniting joy on a stranger’s face.

Truth be told, we don’t give love but we are quick to take it. We don’t show mercy to the motorist who cuts us off when we’re rushing to work in the morning, yet we are quick to remind the traffic cop at noon that he should take it easy on us.

Ask yourself how have we got to this place where to Love shows weakness, yet the Authors of old say Love is most powerful. We manipulate the “weak” Who love us and turn “savage” into a trend. We take pride in being miserable and lonely all because it isn’t cool to greet a neighbour anymore.

It all feels to me like a world up-side-down. Nobody finds pleasure in doing good and those who do are made to feel weird for it. A man cannot speak about Love today, I wonder what occupies his heart.

The more I write about Love the more I realise that you can only measure how much love you have by the number of hearts you’ve touched. And much like fighting fire with fire, You can only touch a heart if you give a little of your own first.

Blogging, My new found Love.

blogging, Friendship, Love, Uncategorized

Alone I sit in my dark room, it’s about midnight in Johannesburg, South Africa. Okay, so I’ve never been a huge fan of Social media – my last Whatsapp chat ended about an hour ago and I’m not about to go DM some stranger for a cheap conversation about how pretty her hair is on her latest Instagram post.

Instead, I’m checking my Emails. It’s the WordPress notifications telling me that I’ve caught another follower and she’s brought two new likes along with her. She probably doesn’t know it, but her fiddle on that like button has just put a smile on my face – this is the Fiftieth person who doesn’t think I’m talking nonsense 😄

I notice another Email, this one is a bit older but I guess I missed it when I checked ten minutes ago. It’s a comment, “well written” it reads and I might as well jump through the roof…this is awesome. I only started this blog because I talk too much and didn’t want to bother people anymore, but here are a bunch of strangers from all over the World – bothering themselves by reading through my Blog posts…”Wow I love them”.

And now I am addicted – Addicted to the affection and now I just want to write more. I want to pour out my ideas and these thoughts which I once thought were crowding my mind, well now I can finally air them out. I can create a world for my thoughts and they can finally be the star of the show. I’ve always wanted to be the best but way too often I have been the Jack of all trades but master of none. But here, writing, I’m a natural and all I want to do is impress.

But first, let me write this post. I’ll write it now while I’m still beginning. I just want to thank everyone who has taken the time to view my Blog, read my stuff, like my content, Follow and especially those who have left me some feedback…as much as this started as a hobby, it has become a gateway to achieving my dreams. But until then I just want to make all my readers happy to waste a minute or two inside my handwriting. Love you ❤

Mi La Familia.

Family, Love, Uncategorized

I chose you not and sometimes I’ve even felt like I could dispose you lot. They say blood is thicker than water and it’s true because even a blood stain is tougher to get rid of.

I grow ever tired of this common sequence of African children growing up without a father. My parents separated when I could still play hide and seek in a shoe box. I actually don’t remember ever seeing my mother and father in the same room at the same time…but pictures don’t lie, so I guess my third birthday was quite special.

So my father didn’t play his role that well, but one thing I can never complain about is having a father figure. My grandfather was rather competent in that role during my elementary years, and my uncles did a fine job leading me up until this point. Also I must give credit to my step-dad for the awesome role he played too.

In Africa we have a saying, “It takes a community to raise a child”, and my family surely lived up to this standard. My single mother moved to work abroad to make ends meet and I was left at the mercy of the La Famila. And where many children in similar circumstances usually suffer abuse and neglect, my sister and I were blessed because our family knew what Love is.

Love is when you can take a child into your home, feed him as your own, educate him until he’s grown and confuse his heart so much that he can not feel the void of not having his biological parents around. I thank my aunt and uncle because today, even referring to them with these words feels out of place, honestly I know them as Mom and Baba (Dad) 😂❤

So ask me about Family, I know all about it. It is not about the common last name that we share or the Christmas gatherings at the end of each year. They say Blood is thicker than water – we share the same blood but a true family also shares the same tears. We share not the same sense of humour, but a smile even when it hurts. I Love Mi la Famila 😊

Becoming a Man for my generation.

Family, Love, Uncategorized

“When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. Now I am a man, I have left my childhood ways behind me.”

Studying Law I learnt that in my country (South Africa) majority is reached at 18 years of age. At this age Contracts become legally binding and any crime committed would be trailed as an adult.

I looked at this and realised that although one does not necessarily always mature with age, one thing that does grow with your age is the consequences of your actions. This means that at 18, you ought to act as you would if you were 35 because the result or punishment would be the same.

In our youthful days we are like young cubs ready to discover the world. We are driven mostly by instinct and hormones. We know nothing about commitment and we desire nothing that sounds like too much responsibility.

When we become Men, we need to learn how to Love so that we may be Fathers, Husbands and leaders for our generarion. We are supposed to set the standards and Take up Honourable Roles to Model.

Love, however, is a responsibility and does not come instinctively. Love alone is not enough to drive a successful relationship. Factors such as patience, trust, sacrifice and faithfulness play a vital role in the story of Love. But without Love, neither of these will be possible because Love compels us to be all of these things for our loved ones.There are not many “men” left in our world today because most of the “boys” never reach that stage where they are ready to accept all these responsibilities.

From the age of 20 every young man should try to reject control from hormones and desires. If we are going to grow into great leaders and fathers, we need to be controlled by Decisions and Will power! We need to be able to decide to do right and remain loyal to our word.