confession

I am Fake!

All this talk about fake people around me can make one forget that I too am fake. I have to admit it but don’t get me wrong – I’m trying to be real so I can have something to be proud of.

Being stuck in the middle of the person I am and the person I want to be is probably where most people are. The self-evaluation process only gets more clouded by the inclusion of the ego into the mix.

I cannot forget the people who know me, the people I came up with on the street corners and midnight lights. How hard it is to change their perspective through a lens painted over many years of colourful memories which we once labelled “the life”.

And what about those eyes which just happened to be looking on at the very moment when I let my guard down to release some stress from the daily efforts of being a young man trying to act my age instead of my shoe size.

And all the times that I did act my shoe size but had to lock that night away in a cold, dark closet along with all the other millions of secrets I keep. You wouldn’t be wrong to label an eight for this near perfect performance.

Maybe if I fake it long enough I will make it to the border and cross it never to return to my old ways. I set my eyes on a future prospect of a me who’s word is as true as my actions, I label it faith but with every passing error, I think I might never make it.

I’ve said it before and I should say it again, I feel so blessed with a curse. Growing up looking for understanding, eventually I found it but my hands were too small to pounce onto it. So I added more strength to grip onto it but eventually the shell cracks, if only I was gentle inside, maybe my hands would be too.

So that’s the verdict, I am Fake. I cannot pick a person to tell so I leave it here in writing for whomever shall concern himself. I could not govern myself so I’ll leave it to you to judge. Until another day when I’ve plucked up the courage to achieve the dream of being real…please take good care of me as I let out this precious scream.

Advertisements

Categories: confession, fake

Tagged as: ,

13 replies »

  1. I love this so much, I’ve shared it on my blog! Thank you for sharing.

    Just a thought though: you’re not fake, simply growing. Others’ perspective of you will never truly define who you are anyway, so regardless of what they see, perceive, and think of you at any moment, it never defines you at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There was a time when I had some troubles about beeing myself… First, because I didn’t know Myself , then because I thought too much about what others would think about me, or expect from me. Life is made by decisions, and I’ve decided to go on a journey… That difficult journey inside myself (and it’s a journey for life!) . We all have qualities and defects. And it’s not always easy to see the good part and use it, and to admit the bad part… And change it. But it’s worth it. By reading your post, all this came to my mind, and along with it, a small book, that I read for the first time more than 10 years ago, and I read it still once in a while. It looks like a fairy tale for children… But it is really… Deep. “The Knight in Rusty Armour” by Robert Fisher. Hope You’ll like it, and that it brings you as much as it did to me!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.