cry

A Shoulder…

The older I get – The stronger I need to be – The weaker I am.

“It’s age, it’s fate, it’s growing up”, I tell myself everyday. I need to be an example for the young ones back home – stand tall, “Thats my older brother”, they need to be able to say.

I need to prepare for the harsh world out there, “That’s the new intern, an able Lawyer he’ll be”, They need to be able to say.

But all this is just a bit too much. It all happens so fast, I thought I was in the driving seat but that was a 2003 Toyota with my mom on the passenger seat so I kept it below 60/per hour…

Now I’m in the backseat of 500 Horse-powers and mom is nowhere in sight, I left her for my future. I’m being tossed from side to side because I can’t make a decision…I’ve lost control and I’m running out of fuel.

When I was younger you walked into my room and asked me what was wrong. There wasn’t much I could complain about so I rarely did. You laid such a good foundation so we only looked forward to moving up.

Don’t get me wrong I’m still looking forward. But I don’t have my own foundation yet I need to move out. So yes I’m sinking – or maybe I’m being blown by the wind, getting lost and seeing things I should never look at.

Okay so I set some standards for myself and I’m aiming high, I ask God to stay by me and I know he’s faithful. I’ll inherit this Kingdom with Jesus, but first I must endure the struggles.

And it’s his love that gets me wishing…wishing I had your shoulder to cry on because I lost myself, I’m crawling back and will be walking soon but I wish I could run back home and let you know that I’ve made some mistakes, learnt some lessons…

but I’m a big boy now – I guess I’ll just have to get Older – get Stronger and miss the Weaker me because, “I have overcome and succeeded” – I need to be able to say.

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12 replies »

  1. Your post touched my heart, so I wanted to tell you…I believe you’re strong simply because writing with so much honesty is an expression of courage and faith. And I believe that this inner light will always guide you to the right path, as long as you listen to your heart.
    Many blessings upon you and thank you for writing so beautifully!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I’m trying some honesty because “You shall know the truth and the Turth shall set you free”…everything you say in this comment is true. Trying to walk this faith…ah I guess it’s just good to be true 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “Wishing i had your shoulder to cry on cause i lost myself” the whole piece is soo real, beautifully written. Remember the “man don’t cry” “man should not show emotions” kind of talks…ditch that, go back to her shoulders and cey it out its therapeutic.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Jess…uhh but I’m not so sure my pride and fear would let me. It’s true and I still feel that I have to be strong and firm, be the Rock and face my problems. The only thing I have really is this blog, I can let these words out in the name of “art” and it’s safer that way ☺

      Like

  3. The more you let yourself cry & be vulnerable, is the stronger you become.
    It shows that you succumbed to your weakness, you let it out & now you are coming out of that state of mind, stronger & wiser than you were.

    Cry. It’s a form of release. Release that one always needs once in a while.

    P.S. from knowing your lil bro, Katlego, personally. To him, you are the best brother and surely he says and tells everyone that, ”That’s my brother”, with pride and joy. Each and everytime. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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