fiction

I Love you But You’ll never know

Three kids, a modest double storey house, a BMW SUV for me and for you, a decent mini bus to take the kids to soccer.

This picture plays like a movie in my head every night before I sleep. It is the story of our perfect little family – Yeah I’ve thought that far, that’s how much I love you. Day and after day, Monday to Friday from behind your seat in English class I imagine our love, our first kiss, your perky brown lips and your silky brown hair…You’re my indian Princess and I’m your African King.

We’re best friends you and I, I always say that but I lie to myself everyday. I want us to be lovers. We text everyday, I always try to sneak a flirt and you always play dumb. You ask me who owns my heart, almost as if you want me to confess your name. But I’m too scared. I’d rather have you as a friend than have you as nothing at all.

See this love is almost forbidden. You’re a beautiful Indian princess and I’m just an awkward black boy who’s lost his mind- or at least that’s what my friends say. But it’s true, in our community I can only imagine how much slander you’d get for being in love with a “blackie”. I know you’re a strong woman but I don’t think you’ll survive this one.

So I’ll continue to watch you, admire you from a distance with nothing but Coldplay to make me feel worse. But I’ll hold on until next year, I’ll be going to varsity and I’ll make sure to get as far away from you as possible…maybe I’ll be able to forget you – I hope I’ll be able to move on.

Then I’ll probably bump into you in the summer. A lot will have changed by then, you’ll probably show me a new engagement ring – maybe for once I might actually not lie when i say, “I’m happy for you”. But until then, I still Love you but You’ll never know.

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